Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
