im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
