I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
