I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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