I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Oh god it's open bar.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
