I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
