Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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