Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize