Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
