we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
