I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
