she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
