I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
