Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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