I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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