ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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