He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
