that's an acceptable place to lick
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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