We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
