so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
