i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
