hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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