Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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