I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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