Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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