I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
