normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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