Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
