its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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