Whatcha textin bout Willis?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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