I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Swine flu. Run for my life!
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
