So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
