i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
