Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
