i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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