i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
