just come out here and I will go home with you...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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