So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
