Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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