the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
