I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
