Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
