I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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