i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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