I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize