Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
