it was like his penis was on wheels.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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