My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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