it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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