Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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