i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
