My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
