Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
