I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
