I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize