wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
