dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
