There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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