Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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