thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
