are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Well I just put wine in my tea
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
