I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
