He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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