Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
