Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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