if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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