she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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