I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
