glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
