Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
