this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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