Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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