I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
