Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You can't special order awesome
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
