There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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