What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
