There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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