What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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