I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize