i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
