I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
