It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
