Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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