Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
