dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
