Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
