this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
