How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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