would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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