i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
