no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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