Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
oh god was she eating orange peels again
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
