just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize