According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
