dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
