His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
How does one acquire holy water?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Your penis caused this!
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