I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Randomize