he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
