guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
