Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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