I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
