One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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