There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
